Friday, April 11, 2008

The Very Best of South Park

I'm always spouting off about South Park, so I figured it was time to finally come up with a "Best Of" list. Problem is, I got a little carried away, and as some of you know, I've actually been working on this for a few weeks. South Park has had it's share of misses over the years, but there have been far, far more hits. Rather than come up with any real rankings, I've decided to come up with several lists, one of the show's top ten episodes, another list of the remainder of the show's top fifty, and finally, because this was such hard work, a list of episodes worthy of consideration.

So without further ado, the lonely libertarian's top ten episodes of South Park, in no particular order. (The season number is in parentheses.)

(3) Sexual Harassment Panda
Perhaps the creepiest mascot ever, with that undeniably wonderful little song.

(5) Scott Tenorman Must Die
Cartman at his most evil and psychotic in a twisted tale a revenge. Bonus points for Radiohead laughing as Scott Tenorman cries over eating his dead parents.

(5) Cartmanland
Cartman gets to be evil in a way only a little kid could be, plus, everyone gets a little lesson in basic economics.

(6) My Future Self N' Me
A great polemic on why it's not good to lie to your kids about drugs. Bonus points for Randy cutting off fake future Stan's hand and for Cartman telling his real future self to go fuck himself.

(7) Casa Bonita
Cartman tricks Butters into believing it's the end of the world, all so he can go to a crappy Mexican restaurant.

(7) All About Mormons
Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum. A perfect example of South Park's treatment of religion- yeah we'll mock the crazy things you believe, but it's not personal. Mormons believe some weird stuff but they're a bunch of super nice people.

(8) Douche and Turd
The most important commentary on the 2004 election. Voting matters why?

(8) Woodland Critter Christmas
The most twisted Christmas story ever, made all the better with the revelation that it's Cartman giving a school presentation.

(9) Marjorine
More kids getting to be kids as Butters disguises himself as the new girl in town. Perhaps even more enjoyable is Butter's faked death and his parents re-enactment of pet cemetery.

(11) Imaginationland trilogy
On the list for sheer, well .. imagination. Great use of past characters and great use of the most unimaginative song ever sung about imagination.

And The Remainder of the Top 50:

(1) Mecha-Streisand
(2) Gnomes
(2) Clubhouses
(2) Chicken Pox
(3) Rainforest Scmainforest
(3) Chef's Mama (aka Sucubus)
(3) Jakavasaur
(3) Starvin' Marvin In Space
(4) Cartman's Silly Little Hate Crime 2000
(4) Cartman Joins NAMBLA
(4) Cherokee Hair Tampons
(4) Chef Goes Nanners
(5) The Super Best Friends
(5) Proper Condom Use
(5) Here Comes The Neighborhood
(5) Butters Very Own Episode
(6) Freak Strike
(6) Asspen
(6) Free Hat
(6) Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers
(6) The Biggest Douche in the Universe
(6) The Death Camp Of Tolerance
(6) Red Sleigh Down
(7) Butt Out
(7) I'm a Little Bit Country
(8) The Jeffersons
(8) Goobacks
(8) Something Wal-Mart This Way Comes
(9) Die Hippie, Die
(9) Ginger Kids
(9) Free Willyz-X
(10) Cartoon Wars
(10) Go God Go!
(10) Manbearpig
(10) Make Love, Not Warcraft
(11) Cartman Sucks
(11) D-Yikes
(11) Night of the Living Homeless

And finally, those just missing the cut:

(1) Starvin' Marvin
(2) Chickenlover
(2) Roger Ebert Should Lay Off The Fatty Foods
(2) Merry Christmas Charles Manson
(3) Cat Orgy
(3) Jewbilee
(4) Timmy 2000
(4) Do The Handicapped Go To Hell?
(4) Probably
(4) Pip
(4) The Wacky Molestation Adventure
(5) Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants
(6) Jared Has Aides
(6) The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
(7) Canceled
(8) The Passion of the Jew
(9) Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow
(9) Trapped in the Closet

I haven't included any of season 12, just because those episodes probably need some time to sink in. And there are a number of popular episodes I haven't included on my list. Wikipedia lists Comedy Central's Top 27 episodes and on that list but missing from my list of 67 includes:

(1) Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
(1) Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
(1) Cartman's Mom A Dirty Slut
(2) Cartman's Mom Is Still A Dirty Slut
(2) Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
(3) Chinpokomon
(5) It Hits The Fan
(5) Towelie
(5) Kenny Dies
(5) Cripple Fight
(7) Fat Butt and Pancake Head
(7) Christian Rock Hard
(8) Good Time With Weapons
(8) Up The Down Steroid

Not to sound overly arrogant, but much of the Comedy Central list seems geared toward simple jokes and catch phrases. Comments on my list are welcome, particularly on episodes left out of the big mass of "best episodes" and episodes that may belong in the top 10. Also, any episodes I've listed that shouldn't be there? I'm sure there are some I've left out or neglected to appreciate. Just don't try to tell me the Jennifer Lopez episode is a high point of South Park ... funny at times, sure, but not an example of the best the show is capable of.


Anonymous rose said...

Al Gore: I'm SUPER cereal!

Al Gore: Manbearpig is in there and we all have to kill him while we all have the chance, I'm cereal!
Policeman #1: Mr. Gore, please, we need you to calm down. Now, what exactly do you suggest we do?
Al Gore: I told you, we need to fill the cave with hot, molten lead, 'cause it's the only way to make sure Manbearpig never comes out. And I'm saying it and I'm totally cereal but everyone just keeps digging!
Policeman #1: Well, see, the problem is, if we fill the cave with hot, molten lead, it will kill those boys too.
Al Gore: They're already dead, didn't you listen to me? They got attacked by Manbearpig and Manbearpig leaves no one alive, I'm super cereal! And nobody'll listen to me. I'm cereal!
[starts blubbering]
Firefighter: Do you want me to get the ex-vice president out of here?
Policeman #2: No, I feel kinda bad for him. I don't think he has any friends.

Firefighter: Is that a Pig... bear... man?
Al Gore: No stupid... It's Manbearpig.

[repeated line]
Al Gore: Excelsior!

Eric Cartman: We have to get going.
Kyle Broflovski: Yeah, we've got school
Al Gore: I can get you all excused from school.
Eric Cartman: You... got that kind of power?

Kyle: Hey... Did Cartman just crap treasure?

Eric Cartman: [to himself while the others are sleeping] All that treasure. It's all mine! So long as these greedy assholes don't find out about it. You would all just love to get your hands on my treasure wouldn't you? Even though I found it, you would love to think it's somehow yours too. God, I hate you guys.
[to Kyle]
Eric Cartman: Especially you, you money-grubbing snake in the grass.
[leans in so his face is about half an inch away from Kyle's]
Eric Cartman: Well I've got news for you Kyle. You're never going to get my treasure. I've got a little plan going: to get the treasure out of here without you ever knowing.
Kyle Broflovski: [wakes up] C-Cartman?
Eric Cartman: [pause] Oh, hey Kyle. How's it going?
Kyle Broflovski: Dude, what are you doing?
Eric Cartman: Not much. You know, just hanging out.
Eric Cartman: How you been, man? Good?
Kyle Broflovski: Dude, get away from me!
Eric Cartman: Yeah, nice talking with you, Kyle. See you around.
[slowly withdraws]

Stan Marsh: [to Al Gore] Stay away from us, asshole! I was nice to you because I felt sorry for you, because you don't have any friends! But now I see WHY you don't have any friends! You just used ManBearPig as a way to get attention for yourself because you're a LOSER!
Al Gore: [undaunted] Yeah right. The man who singlehandedly killed ManBearPig is a loser.

12:00 PM  
Anonymous rose said...

They should have Obama and Clinton and gore and all those righteous types locked in a room w/ the creators of south park, dennis miller and an obliteratedly drunk robin williams for 3 hours. Dennis Miller making insulting allusions that only biblical historians understand, trey parker and matt stone ruining everyones egos and robin williams incoherently babbling through the entire thing. Make it a pay-per-view event, you'd out-gross any fight ever.

12:10 PM  
Blogger lonely libertarian said...

My favorite part is how Al Gore is doing all of this just because he's desperate for attention and he has no friends.

Randy: Boys, I don't want you hanging out with that ex vice-president anymore, okay?

Stan: Aw, he's all right, Dad. He was just trying to warn us about ManBearPig.

Randy: ManBearPig?

Kyle: He's half man and half bearpig

Cartman: No, dude, he's half man and half bear and half pig.

Kyle: That doesn't make any sense.

Stan: He could be half bear, half manpig.

Randy: Boys, there's no such thing as a manbearpig. The vice president is just desperate for attention.

Stan: But I feel kind of bad for him, Dad. I don't think he has any friends.

12:24 PM  
Blogger McMc said...

I may have more comments later, but I notice one giant omission: Cartmen Gets An Anal Probe. Sure it looks horrible compared to today, but it's the episode that started it all for most people and it's an episode that still kills me when Cartmen tries to deny there's an 80-foot satellite coming out of his ass but also when Kyle is bleeped out for about 20 seconds straight because the visitors won't give up Ike. I think it's worth being on the list.

1:47 PM  
Anonymous b.rose said...



the al gore episode is by far my favorite for that exact reason. i can picture al gore watching it at home having to be re-assured by everyone around him that the episode isn't in any way funny, nor does it make any sense and that he has lots of friends.

you should hear dennis miller talk about gore. it gets better each time he's on tv. it's always something along the lines of "al gore is charming and likeable until he becomes convinced he's really important and then he just walks around w/ a stick up his ass non-stop".

the tom cruise one was pretty priceless too. all the best south park episodes have one thing in common; the belittlement of arrogant, self-righteous whackjobs; i think tom cruise fits that bill...the smug episode was great too.

2:50 PM  
Anonymous b.rose said...

posted this on mcblog, but i feel the need to say it here too. this shit needs to get attention.

this shit happens across the country, yet the NCAA spends all its time worrying about kids getting money from boosters or agents, or kids transferring, or leaving for the pros early.

no time is spent addressing the fact that college football coaches have run kids literally into the grave multiple times in the past few years. the culture of football is such that you do not stop no matter what, so I don't see how this is anything but some form of low-degree manslaughter. george o'leary killed this kid.

6:14 PM  

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