Sunday, February 11, 2007

When The Fat Police Are Privatized

Via, Beware the fat fighters! Apparently, grocery chains in Great Britain are starting to employee Healthy Eating Advisers to patrol the aisles of their supermarkets.

If such a thing ever came to pass here in America, I think my reaction would be something along the lines of Cartman's reaction to his future self at the end of the season six episode of South Park, "My Future Self and Me."

Cartman: Thanks. But you know, all this talk about future selves has made me think, maybe I should ...take better care of myself. I mean, maybe I should think about who I'm going to become.

Future Cartman: [tall and fit, arrives] Atta boy, Eric. You've made the right choice.

Cartman: Who the hell are you?

Future Cartman: Haha, it's me, Cartman! You from the future. [genuflects] I came back to tell you that this is the day you turn it all around. You stop eating junk food and you start studying harder, you stay away from drugs and alcohol and you become CEO of your own time-travel company!

Cartman: [sets the box of cookies down] Oh wow, really? That's so awesome! Now I'll really work to be successful!

Future Cartman: Right on!

Cartman: Go have sex with yourself, asshole! I'm not that stupid! Just for that, I'm gonna spend my whole childhood eating what I waunt, and doin' drugs when I waunt! [The Marshes leave. He joins them] Whatevuh! I'll do what I waunt!

Future Cartman: No, wait! [a flash of lightning on his body changes him into a fat plumber, his suit replaced by street clothes amd a name tag] Oh, God-damnit!


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