Sunday, August 21, 2005

Everything I need to know I learned from South Park

More fun from Southpark Scriptorium. This from the season six episode, "My Future Self N' Me," when Stan's parents (Sharon and Randy) contract the services of Motivation Corp., a company that looks to help parents keep their children off drugs. Motivation Corp. provides actors who play the role of "future selves" of the children, telling the real children how drugs destroyed their lives in the future.

Sharon: It's just a little weird having people lying to our boy like this.

Director: Well, you know what us ultra-liberals say, when it comes to children and drugs, lies are OK. The ends justify the means. We'll take smoking, for instance. The truth is there's no hard evidence that second-hand smoke can kill but, we believe it's okay to lie about it as long as it gets people to stop smoking.

Sharon: Well that makes sense.

Director: So it is with everything here at Motivation Corp. It's okay for us to lie and tell kids that all marijuana supports terrorism. [a shot of a marijuana leaf superimposed over the burning World Trade Center] Or that... one pill of Ecstacy is gonna kill them. It's not necessarily true, but the ends justify the means.

Randy: Well I think when this is all over, our son is gonna thank us.

And from later in the episode, after Stan discovers that his parents are lying to him:

Stan: Aw, stop it, you guys! I know all about Motivation Corp.! All I've been trying to get you guys to do is admit that you lied to me!

Randy: Oh... Well... Son, we've just been trying to make sure you know how dangerous drugs like pot are.

Stan: I've been told a lot of things about pot, but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true! So I don't know what to believe!

Randy: Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but... Well son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored and... It's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or... being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything.

Stan: I really, really wish you just would have told me that from the beginning.

Sharon: He's right. If we use lies and exaggerations to keep kids off drugs, then they're never gonna believe anything we tell them


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